I dont know.

What do I stand for? What do I believe in? I don't fight for my friends and I regret it later.Why do I not fight for my friends when I need to? Why does the want to fight for them, and the want to make everyone happy clash. I keep thinking of one friendship, that I couldn't do anything. It ended in seconds, but every time I think about it I wonder what if. There may not have been much time, but there was some, but I gave up before it was over. I gave up. I figured it was for the better, it wasn't either of us that wanted it, but it was forced to happen. I know I shouldn't beat myself up for the past, and usually I don't but lately...lately it feels like nothing I do is good enough. Nothing I do fulfills anyone's expectations not even my own. Sometimes I feel like I'm losing my humanity.

Rough Week

It's been a rough week, I ended up losing one friend, not because of conflict between us, but for the simple fact that she wasn't allowed to talk to me anymore, because we don't "Know" each other. Granted she lives in another state, so yeah we haven't met face to face, but she still made an impact. I don't know, saying it makes it feel like it was nothing, but she was a good friend. She wanted to keep in contact, but more undercover (no nothing bad, she was a group friend, so she wanted to keep in contact with the group), but I couldn't do it. As much as I am going to miss her, I already felt bad. I feel like it's my fault she got in trouble..Anyways, I also almost lost another friend, because I expressed my annoyance to a friend of ours, and that friend may have tossed it at him. He got mad at me, because I didn't tell him, and instead had it get tossed at him from someone else, but I am not one to confront, and he knows that. It's not my fault if the words were thrown at him...but maybe it is...I don't know...and I know this instance doesn't affect me really, but two people I know broke up, and it was sad to see that happen. I've only known them together, so it just seems odd. Don't get me started on the problems my xbox has been having, that's just annoying.

The week has just been really odd, and i honestly feel like i have been drifting away from humanity. I feel like I'm losing emotions, and not able to do anything anymore. I don't have a job, though to be honest i am not looking very hard for one, because why get one? Why get a job that pays minimum wage, when right when you get that job, you have to start paying taxes on everything. I'd rather not go in debt, because of taxes. However, i know i have to get a job sooner or later, I just wish it was what i wanted to do...But what do i want to do? I have no skills in any certain thing like most people. I'm not an expert artist, that could easily go into a career of that, but then decides not to because "they don't like it". I don't get that luxury, instead I have no skills, I'm a jack of all trades, but what is that going to do for me? I'm not going to get a job as anything if i can't do it well...I just...really don't like this.

Cry Myself to Sleep!

How many friends do I have? Apparently just one, because everyone else just sees Me as someone to turn to when they need help. Here I am bored out of my mind, while they go hang out with all of their "friends" and I'm not invited to do anything. Everyone wonders why i play a bunch of games with him well maybe its because he is the only one I've got. He's the only person who is actually there, unlike you jackasses, who only think of yourselves. God people don't get mad at me for having tons of "friends" but nobody actually there, its your own damn fault. I'm not just some fucking slave that you can use whenever you are hurting, but you can't see that, you're too much of a prick. I hate you all. ****** quit being a bitch and get over yourself, things are not all about you. Its not "I don't like him so he can't do anything with us" because you are not the only one to make the decision, and if you hate him so much then why don't you leave, I would rather have him then see you. Dammit *******, knock it off! Quit leaving notes everywhere around my house, every single day. I don't give a fuck about it okay. God knock it off! One person does not get final decision you got that people, unless you are the one leading the event shut your mouth, do what your told, and leave it at that. You don't like it? Too bad, why did you choose to go anyways. Just stop... Just stop bring conceited. Stop being control freaks when you have no right to be. Stop being so obsessive, and get over yourself. Think of someone else for a change, and quit being such dicks. I really hate you all.

First time crying in a long time...